It has been a long and difficult road to loving myself. Truthfully, it is a work in progress. I beat myself over mistakes repeatedly. I have a difficult time forgiving myself. If people knew how hard of a time I gave myself, they probably would rarely criticize me and would probably tell me to give myself a break.
I am learning though. It is a slow process to self love and respect, especially if you were not respected or given autonomy as a child. I have finally realized though that if I don't love me, how can I expect anyone else to? Ultimately, it isn't about allowing others to love me or being loved by anyone else. It's about me being comfortable with who I am. I don't need anyone's love or approval. I approve of myself. I love and respect myself.
I still lie awake at night running mistakes through in my mind, over and over. I cut myself little slack and forget my mistakes even less. Yet, slowly, I realize I am smart, funny, pretty (not that external things matter), I have a lot to offer. Do I always like what I see in the mirror, externally or internally? No, of course not. This self-love has not magically transformed me. I have flaws, things I don't like and may never correct.
I am a work in progress though. I am miles ahead of anyone who isn't trying at all. It isn't a competition though, this is about ME, not anyone else. I am happier with myself today than I have ever been in my life. I accept my flaws while loving myself, they are not mutually exclusive. I don't have to be perfect to deserve love. I am amazing and if you don't like me, that's just too bad for you.
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